tired and numb

it is now 40 minutes past eleven. in a little bit, it'll be midnight, and a minute after that, it'll be morning.

aah.

i'm really tired. my biological clock has given up on me, and i just haven't been getting enough sleep or rest for the past few days. hell weeks na. three final plates due so close together. and hindi joke ang plates namen. we're supposed to design a studio for one subject, draft the plans of a two storey house for another, and render an interior using stippling.

(FYI: render-'color' or realistically draw with light, shades and shadows;;; stippling: method for rendering with pen and ink; using dots -yeah, dots, as in periods, polka dots, tuldok- to render a drawing)

hay.

if all those weren't enough, add the fact that i still have 4 GE subjects to worry about, aside from those 3 majors and another one (ID10) which i have a report on.

parang nagalit sakin ang langit.

why?

my mom is at this very moment pre-menopausal, i am an interior design student with lots of 'gadgets' and no place to work in, as i've mentioned i have three major projects and 5 other subjects to worry about, and i am growing to be an endlessly tired and extremely numb kid.

before i started this entry, i was in the middle of stippling and crying inside.

kaya nga ako nag blog eh, para hindi na maiyak ang puso ko.

you know how it feels to want to cry and cry and cry but the tears just won't come? it's like you want to just scream and breakdown and get it over with, so that afterwards you feel lighter... but then ayaw...

then you realize. tangina, ang manhid ko na.

lately i've been ignoring whatever bad feelings come my way. i mean, what good would it do paying attention to them, right?

aah.

i don't know.

i just cant seem to feel anything.

aaah. maybe i'm just tired.

zzzzzzzzz...